Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 09:20:51 -0800
From: Dave Liebreich
Subject: awards text
Welcome to the awards portion of our seminar. I'd like to extend my special
thanks to the awards committee for their tireless efforts in finding the
right balance of subtle sophistication to make this presentation as special
as possible. Chuck Gordon, Kjartan Clausen, Mike Bartman, Jim Baker, and
myself. (note: Cady and J. Toman helped too)
To begin, we'd like to present Gerry Santoro [wait - Gerry's
not here? Oh well, I'll just describe it] with this gift (A
gold-colored toothpick, with the word "kaiso" written on it, and a
certificate proclaiming it the gold shit-stirrer of the kaiso of
aikido-l). For those of you in the back row, this is the golden
shit-stirrer of the kaiso of aikido-l. Everyone can now say with
authority that it's all his fault.
Delving into the miracles of modern medical technology for a moment
(don't worry, we'll be back), we noticed that Chuck Gordon
seemed to have a bit of a problem maintaining his equilibrium at last
years' seminar. So, Chuck, here ya go, a set of motion sickness
wristbands, so the room will no longer seem to tip at inopportune
moments.
Speaking of modern miracles, we have here a black-out pen that works not
only to cover up printed material, but can also be used to remove evidence
of past less-than-well-thought-out posts to various mailing lists. This one
goes to Cady.
And while we are on the subject of posts to mailing lists, we have
here a rubber duckie, on which are inscribed the words "Property of
(crossed out 'ki ronin') Hocker Sensei". Craig, even though
you think it looks almost exactly like a rubber chicken, the rest of
us can tell the difference easily.
The award for ... oops, we can't give an award to Chuck Kuske -
he's being boycotted.
The "Fred Rogers Award for Good Neighborliness" goes to - (gasp) it's
a tie! Kristina Morris and Monica Norman. We all look
forward to learning from your further exploits in neighborly
interactions.
The "Can't I Be on Top This Time?" award goes to Jim Baker,
though we're not sure the budo babes give a darn what you want.
And, what about the other instructors? Well, we have: The Prozac
Award for Extreme Calmness in the Face of Chaotic Listka, for
Philip Akin. The USS Texas Award for Floating With Extreme
Stability, for George Simcox. And The Sir Isaac Newton Award
for Analysis of Aikido Physics, for Alan Drysdale.
Although we wish he were here with us this weekend, we can not
overlook the fact that Dennis has shown up, gone away, shown up
again, gone away again, and (at last observation - only Jun knows for
sure) shown up again. So we hereby assign to him the "Brigadoon"
award.
The "wrong-way corrigan memmorial message routing" award goes to
Dan. We thought the certificate was being sent to the group so
we could all see it - perhaps it got sent directly to him by
mistake?
If you all check your parting gifts bag - parting gifts? cool! -
you'll notice a sheet of instructions for programming a hot-key to
send email to Carol Shifflett stating "yes Carol, you can quote
that in your book." Lord know she asks it enough.
Ah, Kjartan. Maria. Kjartan. Maria. Kjartan begged
and pleaded with us not to go down this path for an award. So,
suprisingly, we didn't.
Speaking of digging . . . Margo Ballou gets the "Why don't you
try a shovel, instead" award for trying to dig a hole in the mat with
her tegatana. Margo also gets the best predictor of seminar technique
award - you see, she got clearance from her doctor to practice aikido
as long as she did not take ukemi for shihonage . . .
The "My Goodness, I've Been Smurfed!" award goes to Susie
Mellot, for discovering what fun it can be to have an indigo
keikogi.
And the "We know what you think, becuase your wife told us on the
list" award goes to Sean Robinson. It must be an advanced form
of blending.
Emily Dolan - the awards committee knows you have a serious
problem. And we have the solution! Here's the Yellow Rose of Texas
velcro patch kit, to facilitate the changing of dojo and kwoon patches
on your keikogi. (As an aside, Emily will be making up a list of
"what to call the teacher" for each art she studies. Sensei,
ShenShung, Sifu, you rat bastard, all the names you will ever need.
Please see her in the merchant area tomorrow between classes for more
info.)
While we are on the subject of odd arts, here are pieces of alien-head
bubble gum for all the members of the aikido-l seti@home group:
kjartan, bedbug, akiy, Darrell Tangman,
Toni Nikkanen, ArtConklin, Ben Calvert, Berna
Slikker, J. Toman, Dave Shaw, Paige Watson,
Simon, Aldo Bleeker, Alice Bentley, Ames,
Curly Wolf, lizard.
Now for some folks new to the list.
Mosts posts in the first year goes to - drumroll please - Joel
Zimba. Special mention must go to Janice Zimba, for being forced
to read the most posts in a first year.
Most posts in the first month goes to Tammy Naugle (with metta,
cream, and two sugars), who quickly converged to mostly on-topic
posts.
Andrea Phillips gets the Polishing the Mirror to Preen Award.
Perhaps you should meet Cady and borrow her pen?
Szczepan gets The Ki Troll award for best attempt at starting a
Ki War.
I've got another troll here. It's labelled "G" "U" "N" "K" "A" . Now
this is a special kind of troll. A "GUNKA" troll. And it goes to
Mike Bartman, in recognition that he can't seem to keep from
trying to knock this little guy, or any of his family members, off the
bridge. Or mailing list. Whatever. Mike Bartman, you are now,
officially, the lists' Biggest Billy Goat Gruff.
And now, please allow me to tell a little story. When I first moved
out to California, I met a person named Heather. Heather was a very
interesting woman, for she had the reputation of being so smart and so
creative and so talented that she could instantly master any craft set
before her. As I got to know Heather better, I discovered that she
was, indeed, smart, creative, and talented. But she was also devious.
You see, she would find a new craft and spend months and months
researching it and practicing it in private. Then she would very
subtly work that new craft into a conversation - when the group would
come to the conclusion that it was a neat thing to try, she'd already
have it mastered. So in recognition of the fact that on the net,
there is no privacy; and in recognition that I guess I can't keep my
cotton-pickin' mouth shut, the "Like Heather, but compressed in time"
award goes to Peter Boylan. Peter also gets the "Willy Loman
Salesman of Death" award.
Speaking of death . . . in recognition of her contributions to adding
medical fact to the discussion of aikido; plus the fact that she has
really cool gross pictures; but mostly because one of the award
committee members saw this thing and thought of her; we present
Wendy Gunther with this collection of bones in a decorative,
merthiolate-colored box. Oh, um, Wendy, you do know what merthiolate
is, don't you? They use it on live people.
Beate Kawelke gets the "Miracle Diplomacy" award for getting a
military guy to volunteer for something.
Speaking of which, all those who enjoy having their arm twisted by a
German woman, please stick around for the first meeting of the
"Friends of Scott" club. This is a 12-step program (or
12-technique . . . whatever) that should help you cope with your urges
in a socially-acceptable manner.
Scott Crawford, we understand that George can offer you asylum
in the Ki Society, where no one will use you as demo uke in quite that
way.
And Alice Bentley gets the "Old Farts in the Stands Recognition
of Cool Moves" for being the first (that they noticed) to do shomen
ate in randori.
Finally, this award speaks for itself. Jun, this is for you (awards
committee members found a six-armed gumby doll)
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